


Ashes of Sorrow

by fujisaku



Category: Christian Bible, Paradise Lost - John Milton
Genre: Angst, Blasphemy, Gen, Sympathy for the Devil, freethought
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-05
Updated: 2019-10-05
Packaged: 2020-12-01 20:44:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,353
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20893967
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fujisaku/pseuds/fujisaku
Summary: “And the LORD God said unto the serpent, Because thou hast done this, thou art cursed above all cattle, and above every beast of the field; upon thy belly shalt thou go, and dust shalt thou eat all the days of thy life.”





	Ashes of Sorrow

**Author's Note:**

> This can be read as the sequel of my previous fic, "Heaven's Secret", or it can also be read as an independent fic. There is supposed to be a chapter between Heaven's Secret and this one, but I'm not sure what to write. That's why I decided to make it into a separate fic.

“And the LORD God said unto the serpent, Because thou hast done this, thou art cursed above all cattle, and above every beast of the field; upon thy belly shalt thou go, and dust shalt thou eat all the days of thy life.”

~ Genesis 3:14

Darkness, cold, isolation, and hunger. That’s all he was allowed to feel these days. It’s been a while since the last time he saw someone. His stomach had been growling non-stop as they had not bothered to feed him for days, weeks? He wasn’t sure what would become of him. Maybe they would just leave him there to rot. On the other hand, being left alone was not so bad. Every time someone entered, bad things happened. Food often came with a vicious beating. Worse, they only came to take him to “re-education chamber” to “persuade” him to return to the right way. So, when he heard someone unlocked the door to his cell, anxiety struck.

Two guards entered. No food. It would not turn out well.

He stumbled as one of the guards pulled the chain connected to the iron collar on his neck and dragged him through the dungeon corridor. He noticed they didn’t take the usual path to the re-education room. Instead, they took him somewhere else. They stopped in front of a cell with an iron door. The guards who stood next to the door unlocked it. They pushed him inside and slammed the door closed.

An incinerator…

Was it how they wanted to end him?

He tried to calm himself as best as he could. 

_ “It would be alright... The pain would not last long…” _ he told himself.

However, as the wait seemed to go on forever, he started to get anxious until he heard the door was unlocked. He saw several of his household staff being herded inside. The gardener, Gadreel. His cook, Bernael. The maid who always acted like his mom whatever a mom is, Mrs. Ruax. And his young valet, Qemuel.

“Prince…”

They stared at him in shock. He knew he was in a bad state. Obviously worse than them. He wasn’t even allowed to wear anything to cover himself. Scars and bruises littered his body. His magnificent wings were gone, leaving two giant scars on his back. His left eye was missing, leaving its socket empty. He surely looked terrible.

Mrs. Ruax approached him with teary eyes. She hesitantly brought her hand to his cheek.

“What have they done to you?”

He could only give her a bitter smile. Not sure if there was any point in lying as his look spoke for itself. He gently wiped the tears from her eyes.

The guards, meanwhile, were not interested in any of those emotional scenes.

“Enough of this nonsense. I’ll ask you once again. Will you denounce this traitor and his way?”

Realization suddenly hit him. These people were not brought there to say goodbye. They were there to be punished with him!

He looked at the guards in anger, “Are you insane?! These people are non-combatants! They weren’t involved in the conflict!”

“They have been found guilty of withholding important information about your illegal activities and refusing to renounce their blasphemous idea.”

“What?! Why would I discuss politics with mere servants?! It doesn’t make any sense!”

In reality, they were no mere servants. They were his family who knew him very well. It's true he had never discussed politics with them, but they knew him too well to be blind to his ambition. 

"Even if you didn't, that doesn't change the fact they hold dangerous ideas."

"But that shouldn't warrant a death penalty!" 

“It’s the Lord’s order.”

It’s the lord’s order. That’s the only thing that mattered. It didn’t matter what kind of creature the lord was. So, he looked at the people in front of him.

“I thank you for your kindness, but you should not do this. I’ll be fine by myself.”

However, they shook their heads.

“We want to accompany you, Prince.”

“We don’t want to return to the life before we met you.”

He wanted to scold them, but he could understand their feelings. They used to be fallen angels who had nothing. He had pulled them out of misery, fed them, clothed them. They didn't want to go back to their old situation. 

“I give you all one last chance to denounce this traitor and his way, repent and ask God’s forgiveness or perish by the Holy Fire!” the guard barked. 

“No. Never!” 

Mrs. Ruax pulled him into an embrace. The others formed a protective circle around him. He didn’t know how he could express his gratitude to them.

However, the guards separated them.

“What do you want?!” 

He protested, but of course, they ignored him. He struggled to get free as two guards dragged him away from his friends. The rest of the guards did the same to his friends. They tossed him to the corner of the room and cast a barrier spell to confine him in a small transparent cage.

“No… No… No!!!” 

He got up on his knees and banged his fist on the transparent wall. He feared the worst. It’s not him they wanted to burn. It’s them! And they wanted him to watch.

“Leave them alone! It’s me you want!”

“We just return things to the way it should be. You took fallen angels to your service to secure your devious plan. You threw God’s mercy to the unworthy so that you could take advantage of them to work for you.”

_ That’s not true… _

He wanted to refute that, but his voice was stuck in his throat. Perhaps, it wasn’t wrong either. These people had been secretly supporting him by providing him security and comfort, knowing what he did was illegal. Now, they're being punished, because of him. How could he let that happened?

“We don’t work for him! He works for us!” Qemuel suddenly retorted.

Qemuel was the only one out of the four who was completely aware of his plan. He had accompanied him wherever he went, knew whomever he met. He trusted the boy and didn't mind his presence when he discussed sensitive topics with others, albeit, most of the time, he would send him away for the boy's own safety. It's still better if he didn't know too much. He's like a brother to him. He didn't want him to get hurt. 

“Lucifer! You told me that, one day, I would no longer need to call you ‘Prince’. One day, we wouldn’t need to grovel to our superiors! This is the day! So, don't ever think to back off for our sakes! We are not your stepping stones! We are the ones who are using you!” 

It was the first time the boy addressed him by name. He looked at the boy in pain as the guards started to leave the room. Part of him wanted to scream for them to stop and beg for mercy. The other part told him there's no turning back. He knew this was what Qemuel wanted from him. Because the boy knew him well, that his pride wouldn't allow him to choose the first option. Because he would break if he ever did it. 

Qemuel approached him. The boy put his hand on the glass-like prison as if to touch his own. 

"I'm sorry I can't accompany you…" Qemuel smiled as he tried to hold the tears in his eyes. 

The others also came closer. Gadreel pulled the boy into his embrace. 

"It's okay, Prince…, it would be fine…" Bernael said as he moved closer to his companions. Gadreel who couldn't speak nodded.

"Please, take care of yourself…" Mrs. Ruax told him. 

He nodded in a vain attempt to provide them a little bit of comfort. Deep inside, he wasn't sure if things would ever be fine again. He could only stare at them as the guards outside started to chant to summon holy fire. He had never felt so powerless in his life. 

As the ground started to glow red, they all knew the time was up. He watched as they tightened their embrace around each other. He wished he was among them instead of helplessly watching their end.

For the last time, Qemuel shouted, “Promise me you will realize our dream!”

Flame burst from the ground followed by some ear-piercing screams. He refused to look away. For the last time, he wanted to give them his best even though there was really not much left of him, a defeated figure on his knees with his shoulders slumped, promising them he would not be broken. Tears clouded his sight as he tried to hold them back only for them to fall freely. 

As the temperature inside the cage rose, it was becoming harder and harder to breathe. The air felt thick and he sweated profusely until his knees finally gave out. He was barely bothered by his physical condition, though. He attributed all the pain to the grief of having his companions suffered such a terrible death. He was dehydrated and yet he could no longer comprehend that his body needed water. Everything hurt… And he didn’t know anymore how to make it better.

Finally, the flame died down. It took him a while to realize that the barrier surrounding him had disappeared. He then used whatever remained of his energy to crawl to the spot which used to be occupied by his friends. 

What remained were ashes. 

His hand was shaking as he moved it to touch them. He wailed in despair. It sounded more like a dying beast than an angel as his throat was too dry to produce the right sound. He cried, but no tears came out as he had no more tears left.

As his roasted brain finally cooled down a bit, he thought about Qemuel's last words and an event from the past. 

It happened when the boy had found out that he had planned a rebellion. The boy had been scared of what would have happened, so he tried to lit the fire of ambition in his heart. He asked the boy what he would do once they were free. However, the boy said he didn’t know. It was a bit upsetting. He realized that most of his kin didn’t dream as he did. However, he was quite pleased when Qemuel then asked,

_ “What do you plan to do if you succeed, Prince?” _

At least, he was interested. He wanted to inspire him.

He then answered, _ “I want to see the universe. It seems to me that the world is far grander than what the Lord wants us to believe. I want to see it with my own eyes.” _

_ “But… Can’t you just ask for some days off?” _

He chuckled slightly, _ “He doesn’t want us to know.” _

_ “But why?” _ Qemuel asked in confusion.

_ “Because he doesn’t want us to know that he doesn’t know, that he is not all-knowing. He doesn’t want us to know better than him.” _he explained.

_ “And you think he keeps you busy so that you can’t compete with him?” _

He put his finger in front of his mouth.

_ “You think... we can be better than the Lord?” _

He simply smiled.

_ “Then, let me go with you.” _ Qemuel said, _ “I also want to see the place unknown to the Lord. Promise me, you will allow me to accompany you.” _

“I promise…” he swore to himself bitterly.

He gathered their ashes and with a shaking hand brought them to his mouth. He couldn’t take them with him alive. He got no way to keep their ashes either. Even if he could, they would not allow him to as he wasn’t allowed to keep any possession as a prisoner. It was the only way he could keep them with him. They would become a part of him so that no one could separate them…

The ashes were still hot, but he had to finish before the guards come. He struggled to swallow them as his mouth had already dried from dehydration. Eating hot ashes only made it worse. His tongue was scalded. His throat burned by the temperature and the rough sandy texture. Yet, he tried to consume as much as he could. It’s the only way he could mourn for them.

When two guards came, they were shocked to find there was no remain. They looked at him with disbelief. He didn’t cry or sob, just sat on the floor in silence. He was done with crying. He didn’t even look sad anymore for his sorrow had mostly turned into anger.

When they approached him, he suddenly jumped at one of the guards and beat him. The other guard tried to free his friends, but he punched him. They were obviously off guard. They didn't expect him to still hold so much strength. 

The angel blew his whistle to call for assistance. Lucifer knew he was fighting a losing battle, but he would be damned if he didn't at least put up a fight. He managed to knock one unconscious and strangled the other with his hands. 

Oh, how he wanted to break that neck. He wanted somebody to feel what he felt. It excited his wounded heart to think about it. He only stopped when a sharp pain hit his head. He felt dizzy and could only feel pain. He went unconscious. 

When he woke up, he found himself in a very small dark cell in which he could barely sit. Never mind standing up or laying down. His entire body hurt. He must have been brutally beaten although he wasn’t entirely aware of it. He was sure some of his bones were broken.

The physical pain didn’t bother him as much as the emotional one, though. The people he cared about had gone, leaving their dreams for him to carry. He swore to them and to himself, he would fulfill their wishes. Yet, there he was, stuck in a shithole where he could barely even move.

He had never been further from those dreams.

**Author's Note:**

> Dedicated to the women of Iran.


End file.
